The Long Road
by Still Not King
Summary: Fenris discovers that everyone has an opionon on his relationship with Hawke. Or lack thereof. Fenris/f!Hawke.


**Author's Notes: **I've had this idea for a while now, so I'm glad I was finally able to write it.

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><p>Leaving Hawke had been one of the hardest decisions in his life. Despite being a mage, and a particularly sarcastic one at that, he had grown exceedingly fond of her over the last three years.<p>

Then, like a coward, he had run from her, from the fleeting memories that had been awakened at her touch, and did not look back. He was ashamed of his actions, but he was sure they had been right; he could not be with her when so much of him-his past, his life in Kirkwall, and his future-was so uncertain.

Though it had been difficult and painful, he still asserted that it had been the right decision for both of them. His companions, on the other hand, had diffrent opinions.

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><p><strong>I. <strong>

"I have a bone to pick with you, Broody."

Fenris looked up from the book of fairy tales (a present from Hawke, though he tried not to think of that) he had been practicing reading with, and rose an eyebrow at Varric.

"What for?"

"For ruining my story!" Fenris blinked at him, but before he could ask, the dwarf rambled on, "The hero isn't supposed to run out on the heroine after _three years _of sexual tension! It completely ruins the story."

Fenris glared. "I'm sorry that my life doesn't fit into one of your exaggerated stories."

Varric ignored the malice in the ex-slave's tone and grinned. "Apology accepted, but if you really want to make amends then grovel at Hawke's feet and beg her to take you back. That would make an interesting story."

His glare intensified but his friend remained unaffected. Varric shrugged and said, "Just think about it, Broody."

Then he left Fenris alone with his thoughts, his book long forgotten about.

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><p><strong>II. <strong>

Isabella and Merrill were the next to try their luck at speaking to Fenris.

Isabella had dragged him out of his mansion, the blood mage in tow, in order to play a game of Wicked Grace at the Hanged Man. Fenris had been grateful; without Hawke's frequent visits his makeshift home had felt even emptier than it had before, and he did not like spending large amounts of time there.

However, his good mood evaporated when the pirate queen casually remarked, "You know leaving Hawke like that was a pretty stupid move." At his glare, she shrugged carelessly. "I won't bring it up again, just make sure you know what you're doing."

Merrill, peering over her hand, cheerfully added, "Even someone as grouchy as you, Fenris, deserves to be happy. You should make up with Hawke."

He growled low in his throat. "Can we please just get back to the game?"

Isabella and Merrill exchanged knowing looks, which only irritated him more, but they both went back to playing.

His good mood did not return.

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><p><strong>III. <strong>

Varric, Isabella, and Merrill's interfering, while irritating certainly, were not as horrible as they could have been. Anders, on the other hand, was a completely different story.

The abomination had stormed into his mansion, fury evident by the glare he was sending Fenris' way. The ex-slave was not cowed; he had been at the receiving end of worse tempers in Tevinter, and the abomination was nothing compared to Danarius in a foul mood.

Anders merely glared at him for a long moment, before spitting out, "You are the most infuriating," he broke off, to angry for words. He took a deep breath before continuing, "Do you have any idea how much you hurt her?"

Fenris held his own rage in; Hawke was fond of this abomination for reasons he could not fathom, so it would do not good to lose control and run him through.

"I am not an idiot-"

Anders snorted, "Could have fooled me."

Fenris glared at him, but ignored the remark. "No doubt you will not believe me, but leaving Hawke was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I did not do it on impulse and I thought leaving was best for both of us. Though I am sorry that I have caused her pain."

The idea of Hawke in pain because of him caused a lump to form in his throat and he found himself unable to breathe properly for a moment. The abomination watched him carefully, expression still hard but his stance was more relaxed.

"You hurt her very badly, but hopefully she'll see that you're not worth it and move on to someone better."

Fenris had no doubt in his mind that "someone better" was supposed to be the abomination himself. He waited until Anders left to pick up a nearby bottle of wine and throw it against a wall.

He was suddenly in the mood to break things.

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><p><strong>IV. <strong>

Sebastian visited soon after Anders had left but one look at the carnage left behind quieted whatever the prince was going to say.

Before turning to leave, he said to Fenris, "If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me."

He was greatly appreciative of Sebastian's friendship in that moment.

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><p><strong>V. <strong>

He spotted Aveline, seeming sterner than normal, marching towards his mansion from the window. He sighed but there was no stopping the guard captain when she was determined to do something.

So, instead of protesting when she let herself into his home, he pre-empted her lecture, "I know you're here to talk about Hawke, Aveline, but I have made my decision. You will not change my mind."

Her expression softened though the sternness did not quite leave her face. She spoke softly, "Fenris, you are my friend and I care about you just as I care about Hawke. Personally, I do not see the point in you refusing to be happy." He made to speak but Aveline went on, "But I will support you're decision; I just hope that you know what you're doing."

"So do I, Aveline, so do I. "

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><p>"<em>You're just going to leave?"<em>

_Her expression looked so hurt, that Fenris found he could not meet her eyes. "I'm sorry, I feel like such a fool." Hawke was absolutely silent for once, and that made him feel even worse yet he could not bring himself to continue a relationship with her. _

_Still avoiding her gaze, he muttered, "This never should have happened in the first place. Forgive me."_

_He walked out then and if he heard the soft sound of crying, he pretended otherwise. _

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><p><strong>Author's Notes: <strong>Please read and review. Constructive criticism is appreciated.


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